Home Sweet Kensington

Nerds for a mid-morning snack?  Sure!  All bets are off in the hospital.

We are so happy to be going home today!  Well, let me revise that.  This tired mama is so happy to be going home today.  Fionn, when I told him we were going home, sighed heavily and said, "Aw, man."  Geez Louise.  It's enough to give a mom a complex!  But, really, can you blame him for wanting to stay in the hospital?  He gets to watch tons of Fireman Sam (his new favorite), eat random treats like leftover Halloween candy from the Ronald McDonald room, and drink loads of Gatorade (or "special juice" as he calls it) because it helps him to metabolize the methotrexate.  Add clowns, an art room, and a John Deere tractor to the mix, and well...I guess home does seem pretty unexciting to the kid.

Catching bubbles with the clowns who we have now decided that we love.

Not to me.  I cannot wait to get home, people!   It will be so nice to be together as a family of four again.  One of the hardest things about our hospital stays is that we are simply split in two.  I miss seeing my boys interact so much (remind me of this when we get home, and they start fighting over toys!), and I really, really miss my special time with Conor at night after the boys go to sleep.  Not that we do anything too interesting -- just a show or two and some online shopping together -- but man, it's grounding.  I crave it.

I was actually set to leave town this weekend for my 15th college reunion.  I was so excited to spend some time with some good friends on the beautiful campus of Sewanee which is especially breathtaking in the Fall.  But as the day got closer, I found myself feeling dread.  The thought of getting on a plane less than 12 hours after Fionn's discharge from the hospital just seemed wrong.  And aside from Fionn, I also really can't bear the thought of saying goodbye to Deaglan again after spending practically no time with him all week.  The little guy deserves more than that.  He's been waking up every night this week for seemingly no reason except to catch a middle-of-the-night cuddle.  It happens every time we have an inpatient stay.  Coincidence?  I don't know.  Maybe.  But I really wonder if he's trying to make up for lost time.

I also pictured myself at reunion events, chatting with people I don't really know anymore about my life.  What do you say when your kid has cancer?  Do you mention it and kill the party mood?  Not mention it and feel like a complete fraud?  The whole thing was giving me such anxiety, I started to feel sick to my stomach.  Nope, better to stay here in my little cocoon and be with my sweet family this weekend.  As soon as I made the decision, I felt like a huge brick had been lifted off my chest.  It was definitely the right call, although I will miss my girlfriends and some down time too, of course.

Okay, that's it for now.  We should be outta here at 6 pm, barring any fevers or any other surprises.