Going Home

Fionn made this arm band out of my coffee cup holder.

Fionn's levels are right on track, so we will be discharged around 4 pm today.  Hooray!  Man, it will be so good to get home.  Although this hospital stay has been better in some ways, it's been harder in others.  First, the good: Fionn has responded great to the medicine, and he has had no side effects.  We also watched a lot less TV this time around, thanks to the addition of the new John Deere tractor.  Fionn would spend all day zooming around the halls on that thing if we let him!  He simply loves it.  It was good for my heart to see him whizzing around, waving like he was the Mayor of Oncology or something.  He also loved the gift bag from his Mississippi cousins (thanks, y'all!!), so we spent a lot of time curled up looking at Where's Waldo? and using the fun stickers and the reusable coloring book.  We also built a volcano which Fionn thought was pretty awesome.  In short, we were more active during this inpatient stay, and that felt better to me as a mom.

Assembling Mount Seamus

Okay, so here's the bad.  Fionn was really difficult about half the time.  He is very demanding about our time and attention these days, and it seems to be about three times as bad when we are inpatient.  Basically, every second that he is not watching a show, he expects Conor or myself to play with him.  If I try to talk to another mom in the playroom, he whines at me to "Stop talking, Mom!  Play with me!" Of course, we reprimand him, but he eventually ends up winning because how can you carry on a conversation when your child is yelling over you?  I have found myself speaking sharply to Fionn multiple times every day which, let me tell you, feels especially bad when your kid is hooked up to an IV pole.   Yesterday, I raised my voice at Fionn because he kept flicking water all around the bathroom despite my telling him to stop.  Fionn responded by crying for 5 minutes about how I yelled at him.  I seriously felt like the worst human being on earth.  

It's also just hard having an extremely active little boy in a hospital setting.  Fionn seems to feel great.  He is just bursting with energy.  Believe me, I am not complaining about that.  I remember a day not so long ago that I would have given my left arm to have my energetic Fionny back.  So please know that I would not have him any other way.  But having a very energetic little boy in a hospital setting has its own special set of challenges.  Take the IV pole for example (or "Norman" as we call him).  Fionn must wrap his IV lines around that damn pole at least 100 times a day.  It is so annoying.  I feel like I am constantly untangling him.  Also, everywhere that Fionn goes, Norman must follow.  This includes the bathroom.  "Let me unplug you," I hear myself saying to my son constantly when nature calls.  Oh, the weirdness of our life right now.  And did I mention that Fionn pees at least once an hour due to the fluids he is receiving? 

Oh, I sound like I'm complaining.  Who am I kidding?  I am.  I'm complaining.  Whereas two weeks ago, I felt crumbly...this time around I feel agitated.  Punchy.  Fiery.  I'm not sure which is worse.  Instead of feeling like I'm about to crumble into a thousand pieces, I feel like I might blow up into a bunch of fiery shards if anyone crosses me.  Again, I'm not sure which is worse.

The good news is that everything seems to calm as soon as we leave the hospital.  The sun shines again.  Our family is reunited again.  And all is right with the world.

Before I sign off, I want to give a hearty shout-out to my wonderful dad and stepmom who kept Dex on Tuesday and Wednesday this week.  I don't know what we would have done without them.  Dex loved spending time with his grandparents, and it was honestly so good for me to see their caring faces.

Lastly, thank you to Alison Sural who is a mega-supermom.  She is keeping our youngster Dex AND her own two little boys today for us in Annapolis.  We love you, Alison.  I will close with an adorable picture of our boy that Alison sent to Conor and myself.  Love seeing Deaglan having so much fun.  We are infinitely grateful for the help of family and good friends.  Also grateful for our second born son who, God love him, just rolls with it.  Thank you, sweet little man.  Just thank you.