Everything I Learned About Life I Learned From My Nearly 6-Year-Old

I'll just say it.  Fionn's hair is falling out again.  It started last week.  Strands and strands of blond hair glinting on his shoulders and his pillow.  Small clumps in the bathtub.  Hairs falling in his face and his food when he eats.

Hair loss is not something we expected at this stage of treatment.  It's not the norm, not what's expected.  But it's not entirely rare either, according to our doctors.  It happens.  Fionn is still taking chemo every single night which attacks rapidly dividing cells.  That includes hair cells.  It's shitty and no fun, but it happens. 

On the list of side effects that my child could be experiencing from chemo, this is not a big deal.  I know this.  Logically, I know this.  And yet.  My heart hurts every time I run my fingers through his hair and pull out a small handful of golden strands.  I wince when I see his head in the bathtub, so sparsely covered now with hair when it's wet.  It a small price to pay for the life-saving effects of Fionn's chemo, but it hurts just the same. 

When Fionn's hair grew back last year, it represented a return to normalcy for him.  For all of us. A return to health.  Vibrancy.  I hated cutting it even for small trims.  As if Fionn were Samson, and his hair gave him strength somehow.  With his new hair, he started to blend in with his peers again.  He was the boy with the curls, not the sick kid with the bald head.  I loved that he got to blend and be "normal."  I liked it for myself too.  It was nice that there wasn't always an elephant in the room when meeting new friends. 

We aren't sure if all of his hair will fall out, but it's looking like it's headed in that direction.  We will probably buzz cut him soon, and then perhaps shave it if it continues to fall out.  It will be Fionn's choice, of course.  He told me today that he would like to shave it again as long as he gets a special ice cream sandwich afterwards.

Fionn, my amazing child, has been taking all of this in stride.  When I asked him if he was bothered by the hair loss, he squinted up at me and shrugged, "Eh, kind of."  But then he proceeded to pull out handfuls of hair from his head and pile them up in a bowl to make "hair ice cream."  Fionn then served this ice cream to his little brother who squealed with delight and tried to pull out some of his own hair to make his own frozen concoction.  To no avail, of course.

So there you have it.  When life gives you hair loss, just make hair ice cream.  Words of wisdom from Fionny Crimmins.