Everybody Puts Baby in the Corner

It's true what they say.  About the squeaky wheel and all.  It definitely gets all the grease.  Here's our squeaky wheel.

You know, it's funny.  People ask constantly about how Fionn has been faring as a new big brother.  The enormous transition, sharing the attention, etc.  And I know that it has been hard for him.  It's a big deal, to be sure.  But often I think that the better question should be, "How is Deaglan faring as a sibling to Fionn?" 

Well, I'll tell you.  Poor little dude gets shuffled from one place to the next, depending on where Fionn is or what he is doing.  And then...he's inevitably put down.  On a play mat.  In a swing.  In his crib.  On the floor with a blanket.  Wherever.  It will happen.  And then my guilt will begin to build as I try to focus on my first born and give him what he needs.  Which these days is constant attention. 

Fionn has always been a kid who needs entertainment and a good deal of attention.  But in the last year or so, he has also become a kid who can play by himself for long intervals.  It's been pretty awesome.  Well, not so much anymore.  Or, at least, not so much right now.  I'm sure it will change as we move out of this transition stage.

But right now...right now it's the Fionn Show.  And it's on all the time, people.  Doesn't matter if it's 6 am or 8:30 pm.  It's.  Always.  On.  And you better not try to change the channel.  Oh no.

Here is a perfect visual aid to explain the attention-seeking behavior my son has recently been exhibiting.

 

The tagline to this picture goes something like, "Mama, look at me!  Look at me, Mama!"  And then, the heartbreaking follow-up.  "Do you see me, Mama?"  

Yep, and there's Dex.  In the swing.  Again.

See me.  Notice me.  Love me.  I know that, despite the fact that I feel like Fionn is getting all the attention these days, it doesn't feel that way to Fionn.  He notices every glance I give to Dex, every time that I look away from him to tend to his brother.  He notices that I can't run after him sometimes because I have to nurse Dex.  Or change his diaper.  He sees the tender looks I give to Dex and how I sometimes slip and call Dex "little buddy" which is what I have always called Fionny. 

It's good that he sees these things.  It will make him a better person for having had to share the attention with his brother.  And the love that I already see that Fionn has for Deaglan...well, it melts my heart.  And it will only grow as Dex can interact with him and love him back.  But right now...it's hard for my darling firstborn.  I know.  I know, Fionny.

So I give you what you need.  I hide from monsters eighteen gazillion times.  I pretend like I don't see you behind your hands when you play peek-a-boo.  I race cars around the coffee table (which Fionn calls the "car table") until my back feels like it's going to give out.  I do all this in hopes that you will see how loved you are. 

And then there's Dex.  Oh, my sweet Deaglan.  As my mom kept saying during her visit, "He never wants to give anyone any trouble."  It's true.  He is a very relaxed little guy.  This helps alleviate my guilt enormously.  He actually loves to be put on his back on a blanket so he can stare up at the ceiling fan or look at the clouds moving through the sky.  Thank you, Lord.  I'm not sure how I would be handling a fussy baby right now.  

Ah.  So this is what it feels like to be picked up.

As it is, Dex has been a pretty happy camper.  And I just keep telling myself that we will have more bonding time in the Fall once Fionn starts school.  We'll take a yoga class or something.  I promise, little one.  I'll get you out of that swing.  Speaking of which, I should probably go check on him.  He's, uh...in the swing.